DC Bl06s: Toxic Holiday Edition

Survival of the Drunkest The American Dream for Country Mice. So you thought your relative visit was bad? An excerpt:

I am entirely uncertain how she thinks I managed to break the toilet in my bathroom or cause the plastic on the new microwave to peel, but she clearly feels that I am somehow to blame for the fact that her 1950 townhouse is breaking.

Smelt Party EJ Takes Life The best course at this Boxing Day dinner party is a love story. Recommended by Kathryn. An excerpt:

“But at that party everyone was dancing!” Marie’s eyes are wide as she gets to the juicy part. “And so I found myself dancing with him. And Tom says, he says ‘how is a girl like you not married yet?”

“Well,” our neighbor Debbie interjects, “you had a hell of an excuse.”

She’s Full of Holiday Spirits Always Write An apparent desire for grandchildren prompts this Grandma to sing. “Well that’s something different!” She was getting louder. “I’m talking about a boy. Why can’t you meet someone, get married, have a family? I mean, let’s face it–” and then she began to sing off-key — “the clooooock is tiiiiiick-iiiiinnnnnng, la la la laaaa deeeee daaaaah…” Love Outlook Climaxes in the New Year DC Shenanigans After the third relative inquiry about her love life, our writer begins “cooking up glorious stories.” An excerpt: Story No. 1: The stereotypic engagement to the college boyfriend, but the rock was en route from Africa. It would be a long engagement. Home for the Holidays City Mouse Shares 25 observations about her trip to Poughkeepsie. Including:

7. When the lights went up at the end of the show the woman punched me very hard in the arm and told me that she had a terminal illness so it was okay that she talk during the show. I respectfully disagreed. My father said I should have turned her in for assault but I was too speechless to do or say anything and busy worrying whether my arm would be bruised.

Holiday Stress A Swift Kick and A Band-Aid There’s no place like home:

For the first time in my life, I’m anxious to get back to DC. I am antsy to have my space back, where I can think or experience my feelings without being observed or interrogated.

Also Noted:

Does the Army & Navy club have a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy? If (more like when) I get a little tipsy at lunch and blurt out something gay, will I be dishonorably discharged from the lunch? I wonder… From It’s Like Three’s Company, But Not. Year-end album recommendations at The DCeiver. Holiday food question: Don’t you also find it ironic, they never push health foods like carrots and apples on you? From Johnny DC. Fashion Flounders of 05 by Borrowing (and causing) Trouble. Urban Gentrification Meets Bulletproof Windows. This is an NPR streaming audio report: As some Washington, D.C., neighborhoods become more affluent, the bulletproof glass in local convenience stores is causing conflict between merchants and area customers. Found this link via Frozen Tropics. About Michelle Malkin’s latest screed “Unhinged,” Alt Hippo, points to an Amazon review written by Noel Hurley. (Once on Amazon, you need to go back three pages to get to the Malkin review, but some of the others are hilarious as well) After You’ve Opened the Gifts: Avoid becoming an easy target for post-holiday burglars by not leaving boxes for new electronics and other items in the alley or other garbage pick-up locations for several days at a time. Advice from MPD Officer K. A. Sodimu on Petworth News. Site note: Back in 06. Happy New Year!